Holy Shrimp

Holy Shrimp it's been 6 months!
Holy Shrimp! I'm not good at this at all. But I'll keep trying to get my thoughts up here when I have a free moment...and those don't happen too often anymore. It is what it is.

I've done something that I haven't done in a very long time. Possibly longer than some of you have been alive. 21 years to be exact. It happened Monday morning.

Sunday night, after we put Corbin to bed around 8ish(and that has become a huge team effort), I could tell that something was off. Had this weird pain in my gut that I knew wasn't just gas. Like a knot that wouldn't go away. I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep to some Netflix and I just couldn't fade away. I turn it off thinking I'm too engaged in the show and I still can't fade out. At around 11, the pain in my belly gets worse and I know exactly what's happening.

I go to the bathroom to handle some business and everything is wrong...like...EV-ER-REE-THING. The runs are lasting way longer than it should be and while I'm sitting down my mouth starts to salivate...Not the I'm hungry salivate but the salivating that starts in the back of your throat right before you throw up.

Now I have a decision to make. Do I throw up in the trash can sitting to my left, the sink even further to my left, the tub in front of me, or the toilet I'm sitting on? The last time I threw up I panicked and threw up in the toilet I had just filled up with stuff from the other end. I learned from that mistake and that didn't happen this time. I flushed the toilet, stood up, spat the spit out of my mouth and decided I wasn't gonna throw up at all. I hadn't done it since I was 9 and I didn't want to do it now. I went back to bed and tried to fall asleep.

2 hours pass, I couldn't fall asleep, and the pain in my belly gets worse. I realize that the only way I could get to sleep is if I give up and throw up. Holly wakes up and asks if I'm ok and I tell her, "This stuff gonna come out either up or down." I walk to the bathroom, flip the light on and not even 8 seconds pass before I start upchucking.

It felt like 21 years worth of vomit came out. I was kneeling there and I was thinking ok..make sure you breath in between hurls. Take your time and don't get any on the floor. So thankful for Holly. She's such a nurse. She was there rubbing my back the entire time. She said, "Now imagine doing this everyday for about 4 months and you will know how morning sickness feels." Holy shrimp there's no way I could do that everyday.

Special thanks to Corbin. He got the plague and gave it to me. Shout out to the Kamwesa family cause we might have gotten the plague from them :) Shout out to Garrett cause I think he got it too and sorry Mom cause I gave it to her when she came down to watch Corbin. Wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Finding a Voice

AND WE'RE BACK...

I took the summer off because...well because I wanted to do it. Now I'm back and I've been chewing on some thoughts. I've been debating on if I actually wanted to say anything about what's been going on lately. I don't enjoy arguments on social media. They don't get anyone anywhere. More walls are built on this stuff than torn down. To me it doesn't make sense. It takes a while for me to get my thoughts in order also which doesn't help anything when it comes to talking about issues.

My grandma and mother always told me that I need to speak up though and that's what imma do. I'm all for talking about this issue. I'm not trying to start fights or ruffle feathers. I'm just venting a lil bit

Say you break your leg. The pain that you feel isn't your body trying to annoy you. It's trying to tell you that something is wrong. Someone needs to take a look at what is wrong and try to fix it... See where I'm going? Say a country has it's people rioting, or kids are so angry they shoot their classmates, or a person is upset they lost a video game they shoot the person they lost to, or people are taking a knee/holding their fist in the air during the anthem, or choosing to sit in a different section of a bus.....Is it possible that they aren't doing this to annoy people? Is it possible that there is something wrong and people need to take what is wrong and try to fix it?

This Nike stuff has caused such an uproar with people that they choose to burn any shoes that they have or cut logo's off of socks. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Do you know how much your mom paid to get those shoes you are burning? I still have my LeBron jersey from the first time he left because someone paid good money for me to have that. People taking all of this stuff for granted. If you don't want any of those things anymore donate it people who need it. Donate it to the Veterans that you allegedly care so much about. Kaepernick has donated more to the Veterans of this country than any of us (me included) would care to mention. There isn't one place you can look that says what these athletes are doing is to disrespect a flag (piece of cloth) or the anthem (a song). People are being killed at an alarming rate in this nation and it seems like no one really wants to do anything about it.

It's incredible to see so many people who care more about those two things than they do of the people of this country.

You're gonna boycott the NFL because of one guy that's taking a knee? So your fine with the people who have literally run people over with their car, shot people, raped people, and beat their child/wife/girlfriend.

Chick-fil-A is anti-gay: Everybody is eatin their waffle fries and chicken.

Papa John's (which is a sponsor of the NFL) founder is recorded using the N-Word: Everyone eating they pizza

H&M puts a black boy in a "monkey" shirt: everyone goes to buy that shirt

Nike chooses a dude who cares for lives of American citizens...Nah fam I'm burning all my shoes.

WHAT SENSE DOES THIS MAKE?

Seems Like Yesterday...

Every now and again I like to go back to before Corbin got here. I don't want to forget those feelings and I wrote some of them down. Not only for me but it's a hope to make a lil book and give it away in the future. I'll post them every once in a while. Here's one the day we found out. It all seems like yesterday...

So I just found out that your mom (Holly) is pregnant.. Words can't describe how excited and relieved I am that this is actually happening. When she came downstairs to tell me it was a mix of relief and joy. Are we ready for this? I'm not sure. It'll be a huge change for the both of us but we are so excited to get this started and have a family we will call our own. I hope I can become a person you will be proud of. My mission is to have you be proud to call me your father. AH I can't believe I'm going to be a dad. I hope everything goes well over the next nine months.

#parentalparadox

Joy

I know that I've said this once before but I love how much joy this lil nugget has and I hope he never changes and he never loses that fountain of joy that he has. It's so contagious. I love how other people are noticing this too. Can't describe how happy it makes me feel. It's the little things for him that make the biggest impact. Empty boxes, bowls, work badges all the those little things that don't count in our eyes make this kid the happiest. Am I foolish or naïve for hoping that he won't change? Maybe a little bit but a man can dream can't he?

Sunday Candy

Let's start with the good news first. Corbin turned 1 yesterday. I successfully helped in keeping another human being alive for 365 days. That's dope. I'll have more about those thoughts in future posts. That sweet child of mine was born 3.19.18 and was the happiest of days. Then I get a call 3.20.18 that my grandma had passed and everything changed. Was hurt that I didn't get to say goodbye. Hurt that she never got to see her newest great-grandchild. It had been something she was trying to get to happen sooner rather than later. Anytime I called or talked to her she would ask, "How's that baby coming?" She was never the one to beat around the bush and I loved that about her...almost as much as her cooking. Today it's something that we are struggling with. Thought I'd be ok. Made it through most of the day and it hit me all of a sudden. Though about my mom, all her brothers and what they must be going through today. I want it to be easier for all of us while also staying embracing that pain. Just shows how much of a lasting mark that stubborn lady had on her family. And because of that I know that it'll never get any easier. For that I'm forever grateful for my grandma.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1h9bcrC6Q8
She wouldn't like the song one bit though

#parentalparadox

Fear

These shootings need to stop. So tired of seeing parents bury their kids. So tired of kids crying and running in fear at school. What do we have to lose in making gun laws more strict? It's not like it can get any worse right? Was asked the other day if I was afraid to go watch Black Panther at the theater over the weekend. My answer is a quick no. Person that asked me said there was no way they'd be going to a place like that again. In my mind that's no way to live. I know how I try to live my life and where I find my joy and peace. What I do fear is how my child will react. He has so much joy and loves everyone he comes across. (Mostly everyone. Sometimes he gives you the people's eyebrow and I love it) I don't ever want him to loose that joy for life. But the chaos that is going around in this country right now with race relations and shootings everywhere you look it can really suck the life out of a person. I don't know how Corbin will react to this stuff. I can only imagine the questions that will come our way when he gets older. This is where we ask for these fears to be turned into faith. We won't have all the answers but there's always Hope. Hope that there will be a better day. Hope that the answers will come. Hope that the people around us will open their eyes and see the violence isn't the way, that a wall isn't the way. Hope that we will start loving one another like we love our self. Hope that our little one will never loose their joy. #parentalparadox

Dad Thoughts

Can't believe how much this dude has changed from then to now. So quick. And here are my latest thoughts... As a dad I think it's really easy to feel like I'm not doing enough. I don't know why but every once in a while I start to feel this way. Could it be how sleepy Holly is at the end of the day? Possibly.(But she's always needed at least 12 hours of sleep a night to tell the truth.) It's tough finding that balance between getting the rest you need, making sure your wife is getting her needs met/getting her rest, and loving on the lil chicken nugget. Is it something that you figure out after ten years or something that you get a better understanding of sooner than that? Will you get a better understanding of that after another kid? Maybe I need to relax and not put so much pressure on myself? I dunno. I know that my main goal is making sure that my family is healthy and happy. I just need to keep that in the forefront of my mind. It's much easier said than done though... #parentalparadox

Parental Paradox

So, it's been a little while since I've done one of these things. You can read the older posts if you'd like to...But don't. But you can if you'd like. I've renamed this blog Parental Paradox. Shout out to Rach Hunka and Ab Netti. I guess I'll be noting things that are happening in my life as a parent and observations about life. If you're reading this feel free to comment and give me things to write about too! That'd be dope to have some inspiration from you also. With that being said. Let's begin... THIS DUDE IS EVERYTHING! It's so cliché to say I never thought being a dad would be like this but it's been an incredible 10 months. Watching him grown so much since March has been a marvel. Love watching him explore and examine every little thing he encounters. I love his interactions with people. He may give you a cross look but he does it out of love. I hope. Like I said in a post on a different social media, I'm starting to realize that he is already cooler than I am. I would have been disappointed with that a few years ago. I think being cool was something I found an identity in. I don't think I need that anymore. I think being a good dad is encouraging your child to be kind and explore and love. It's gonna be an incredible ride being a parent to this chicken nugget and however many other nuggets we have. Hope they all get to leave their marks. Hope they all try to be cooler than me.

From August 3rd, 2006

So I just found out that your mom (Holly) is pregnant.. Words can't describe how excited and relieved I am that this is actually happening. When she came downstairs to tell me it was a mix of relief and joy. Are we ready for this? I'm not sure. It'll be a huge change for the both of us but we are so excited to get this started and have a family we will call our own. I hope I can become a person you will be proud of. My mission is to have you be proud to call me your father. AH I can't believe i'm going to be a dad. I hope everything goes well over the next nine months...

Reality Check

Used to be excited to head into work. Not really feeling it anymore. I'm not sure if its just the grind if getting used to things or if there is something wrong with the school or a mix of both but I do know that it's frustrating. Frustrating not being able to see my wife...frustrating that I'm forced to work Saturdays and Sundays without being paid or being able to take comp time. Frustrated that I get treated like a student worker or as if I am 12 and having everything I do questioned...Change must come soon.

Holy Crap! In less that three weeks all of this planning will be over. I am grateful that it is so close but I know that it will be the toughest weeks of life so far. Saw some of it leak through last night. Holly looked defeated. I didn't like it. But I felt the timing was not best for me to attempt to direct her in the right direction. Talked with her a lil today and she took the words right out of my mouth. It's amazing how awesome prayer can be.